


Had I Known (How to Save a Life)

by LuthienLuinwe



Series: Batfam Bingo 2019 [4]
Category: DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Denial, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Smoking, batfam bingo, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 01:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthienLuinwe/pseuds/LuthienLuinwe
Summary: For the Batfamily Bingo fill "angst."Jason finds out about Roy's death.





	Had I Known (How to Save a Life)

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the voicemail dialogue from RHATO 27.

Jason hadn't known. No one had bothered to tell him, at least. He’d seen the news at a shitty road-side diner in a shitty drive-by town. Arsenal and Flash were dead. Wally and Roy were dead.

He had felt his heart sink into his stomach, and he’d dropped his mug of coffee when the waitress tried to hand it to him. Roy was dead. It didn’t seem real. Just a few weeks ago, he’d been helping Jason get back on his feet.

And wasn’t that just great?

Roy had been there for Jason when Jason had needed him most. And Jason had let Roy go to Sanctuary without a second thought. It was safe there. Nothing bad would happen. People went there to get better, not worse.

_ Your fault,  _ that god-awful voice in the back of his head screamed as he reached for his wallet, pulling out a few bills and putting them on the table without waiting for the check. He needed out. Needed out then and there. Needed to get out and  _ breathe.   
_

Maybe Roy would have been fine if he hadn't stayed with Jason those few months, surrounded by pain pills and syringes.  _ Your fault. _

His hands shook as he pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket, pulling one out and lighting it up without really thinking about it. He hadn't smoked at all while he’d been recovering. Maybe if he would have kept his temper in better check while Roy had been around him…

He raised the cigarette to his lips and took a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs.

Maybe…

Maybe the news had it wrong. Reporters were notoriously unreliable when it came to superhero news.They could have gotten it wrong…

And they hadn't shown the body. So that was a good sign. Right?

He knew how the game played out.

If there was no body to be found, there was hope that the person was still alive.

“You okay man?” someone asked, and Jason about jumped out of his skin. Idiot. Not paying attention to his surroundings. He turned toward the door of the diner, glancing at some kid who couldn’t have been older than fifteen. “Look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine,” Jason muttered and took another drag, turning back away from the kid. Yeah right. Roy might have been dead.

Roy might have been dead, and Jason hadn't been there to stop it. To intervene. To stay with him while he…

He reached for his phone with his free hand, unlocked it, and pulled up his last message from Roy. They had been talking  _ last night.  _ ‘Hey,’ he sent, some part of him still hoping this was all some sick, twisted joke.  _ ‘Call me. Emergency.’ _

He paced for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to do. Hoping his phone would buzz and Roy’s name would pop up on his lock screen. Something joking about the Arsenal and Flash death hoax. Because they weren’t dead. They couldn’t be dead. And maybe Jason was a little selfish in wanting Roy to be alive. Because he needed Roy. Would be so, incredibly lost without his best friend. But he didn’t care. Because Roy wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be dead.

He could leave. Drive toward Star City and not stop until he got there. Hunt Ollie down and try to figure out what the hell was going on… But… No. He’d wait to hear back from Roy. Because Roy would text him back. Because Roy wasn’t dead…

Not to mention he was in no state to drive. Hell. He was barely managing to keep himself standing with how sick he felt. With how hard his heart was hammering in his chest.

But he couldn’t stay there. Not when he could see the TV through the dirty glass window. Not when he kept seeing flashes of Wally and Roy on the news.  _ Superheroes Slaughtered. _

So he started walking.

And he wasn’t sure how far he’d gone when it started raining, but he didn’t care. He could handle rain. It was easy. A regular occurence. Not like his best friend dying…  _ He isn’t dead. _

He shook his head as he pulled his phone back out, scrolling through his contacts until he reached Roy Harper. He took a shaky breath and hit the green call button and held the device to his ear.  _ Please pick up. Roy, for the love of God, pick up. _

One ring. Two.

Five.

_ Pick up the damn phone, Roy. _

He heard a click and his breath caught in his throat as he waited to hear a ‘hello.’

But the ‘hello’ never came.

“You’ve reached the phone of Roy Harper.”  _ No.  _ “I’m either saving the world, or I’m in rehab. Either way, leave a message, and I’ll get back to you. Carpe to the diem.”

_ At the tone, please record your message. When you are finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options. _

_ Beep. _

“Hey,” Jason leaned against a nearby fence for support. His voice was shaking, and he wasn’t sure why he was even bothering with the message in the first place. Roy always answered his calls. No matter what time, no matter what reason. Roy  _ always  _ answered. “It’s me. Jaybird.”

And what the hell was he supposed to say? Why the hell was he even bothering to leave a message for someone who was never going to hear it? “I heard about… You know.”  _ He isn’t dead.  _ “This is exactly why I’ll never try to get my head together.”  _ He isn’t dead.  _ “I just want to tell you…”

He trailed off and stared out at the empty street in front of him.  _ I hate you for leaving me.  _ “You may have been a mediocre archer…”  _ Best damn one I’ve ever seen.  _ “And a half-assed superhero…”  _ We were never meant to be superheroes, you and me.  _ “But you were the best friend I ever had.”

He shut his eyes and took another shaky breath, trying to fight back the emotion threatening to force its way out of him. “Next time I see you,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m going to kick your butt for this dying crap.”

He ended the call and stared down at his phone.   


_ We’ve just received word that Arsenal and Flash have been confirmed dead. _

He shook his head and sank to the ground, not caring if anyone drove by and saw him. What did it matter? What did  _ any of it  _ matter?

_ He’s dead. _

The thought finally grabbed him and pulled him under. He felt his heart clench in his chest and his stomach tie itself in knots. His best friend was dead.

_ I hate you,  _ he wanted to scream.

Hated Roy for dying.

Hated himself for not being there. Not doing anything.

Hated God, if he even existed, for letting it happen.

_ He’s dead,  _ the voice repeated in his head like a mantra that was never going to end.

_ He’s dead. _


End file.
